Today, I've reserved the movers and the transport for our move. We will have a 14'linear on a 28'x 8' x 9' trailer; enough for a small 2-bedroom, fully furnished house. And, we will have professional packers and movers to pack up our original art and then pack our furniture and boxes into the trailer, and also unload us in York, SC. The rest, we will pack in boxes. It's becoming more real every day. Next week, we will travel to South Carolina and check out the construction of our new house. Then, it will be "real".
I found it interesting that I leak tears whenever I speak about moving from this place in which I have lived for 53 years. I never knew it was so emotional for me. The tears are my hint. I know it must be hard to relate to, especially when one is in one's 20's. There are so many memories that flood in and vy for attention in my mind's eye, when I consider leaving this place.
Here are some photos of Andrew and I and little Diamond:
This little entourage will be the core of family in South Carolina. And so it is.
I suppose the financial debacle of 2008 should have put a pall on how I felt about the new year-2009. And, truthfully, the news streaming into my home from every communication crevice, including the US Post, seemed to portend a dismal future. Forecloures all around me, business at a stand still, retail stores bankrupt, fast-rising unemployment, Isreal invading Gaza, Hamas bombing Isreal, Pakistan closing the Tyber Pass to US envoys, India freaking out about Pakistan, Russia refusing to pass gas through Ukraine, major genocide in Africa, Global economies imploding...it seemed the world could not live in its own body.
On the night of December 30th, my body went through its own symbolic miasmic disruption, and now I think it was a sort of parallel symbology, what is happening to our earth was happening to me. That night, I could not feel comfortable in my own body; I couldn't sleep because no matter in what position I put my body, I could not stand it. I could not place my arms on my body without feeling oppressed. I turned left and my right arm naturally fell on my right side - it was too heavy, I turned right, same thing with my left arm. Even lying on my back was uncomfortable, I couldn't adjust my neck in the pillow for support, not even changing pillows, it was too hot, too cold, hard to breathe. I couldn't touch my own body without it feeling alien.
Then, I felt as if my heart was going to explode. I thought I was going to die. I touched my chest and my pulse, but found them normal. I began to pray. I prayed for what seems like hours - or perhaps it was just the transition from dark night to gray dawn. Regardless, I prayed, "I am God expressing; my body was designed perfectly and thus it functions perfectly; every system in my body is harmonious and working in perfect grace with each other...."
Getting out of bed in the morning light, I decided to do daily chores to establish a sense of normality, wash the dishes, do the laundry, etc...yet, the feeling that I was a stranger in my body continued and I had to rest the remainder of the day. By evening, I had returned to my body. I went to a New Year's Eve party.
The next day, I spoke to a dear friend, Margo. We chatted about personal issues but before we ended the conversation she said, "Last night, I thought I was going to die." She then related how she thought during the night she felt alien to her body and after hours of trying to sleep and adjust, she thought she was dying. She got up and had some Yerba Matte tea, and took Bach Flower Remedies. By the morning, she felt tired but okay.
On New Year's day, I spoke to another friend and after sharing thoughts, she said that one day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve, she felt she was dying. Same sort of story. And, she said her friend, Ruben, who had come over to celebrate New Year's with her said that on New Year's eve night, he felt he had gone into a deep silence, a void, during sleep; the silence was so penetrating, he thought he was dying.
So, what do I make of this? For me, its about dying to my old life in order to step into a new one. I feel as if I'm being asked to die to old ways, old thoughts, beliefs, values - even family and friends who are not by behavorial definition friends. I am being asked to be available, to be open, to welcome the changes that are necessary to bring in a new way to be.
And, interestingly, much of it is "an old way", perhaps even an ancient way. For months, I have heard the inner voice advising me to pare down, to separate myself from my exterior design, to tell myself the truth about what I eat, what I see, what I do, and to accept myself for not "being more" by exterior standards. I thought it was a function of age, as I am in my 60's. And, perhaps, to a degree it may be. However, when it comes to values, may be not.
Perhaps, that is what the earth is going through. Trying to return to base values, truths, honest reparation of self-esteem. Earthquakings, fissures amongs peoples, financial re-assessments anchored to what really matters - all the same malaise that haunted my own body that night but manifested in actual physical dis-ease.
Because I am a believer in Intelligent Spirit, in New Thought and Creative Consciousness, I believe we are headed into a Phoenix era, a time when we shall and must rise up in consciousness, and step into a comfortable body, a more natural body of self-evident truths, prepared by an assiduous cleansing through our heart filter. And first, we must find our true heart.
Thu, Dec. 11th, 2008, 06:05 pm
This is for all of you -- my friends
I love you! Koko
Mon, Oct. 13th, 2008, 01:25 pm
The Lakeview Terrace fire is just a few miles from here. I grew up in Lakeview Terrace, after we moved from Hawaii. It's hard to watch.http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/feature?section=news/local&id=6445656
If you hit the down arrow once, you'll see we are at the intersection of Brandford and Woodman. I was voted Miss Kagel Canyon when I was in my teens. And, now Kagel Canyon is burning. It's a weird feeling.
There have been 3,700 acres burned, it's 5% contained, 1 home and 38 mobile homes burned.
The wind is driving the fire southwest, though, which moves it away from us. There is another fire just begun at Porter Ranch. The winds are 35 mph, with 60 mph gusts. With that kind of wind, the fire planes cannot drop water and be effective. It's punishing.
Bram, remember when Hiro, you and I went shopping at the Whole Foods at Porter Ranch? It's right above there. You can go to abc7.com for more news.
I guess we're officially in our fire season, and sadly we're amid a drought.
Sun, Aug. 31st, 2008, 12:47 pm
This is pretty amazing. Growing body parts from one's own cells.
Mon, Jun. 11th, 2007, 08:36 am
I received this email today...Today, Severn Suzuki is 23. I wonder what has happened to her? I wonder what has happened to us?
Wed, Jun. 6th, 2007, 07:15 pm
Here is a wonderful piece. "Women in Art" Enjoy.
Wed, Apr. 18th, 2007, 12:14 pm
So, I brought home a classical guitar...
Meet Alma - ("Soul" in Spanish)
The interesting thing was that when I told my new friend, Philip, he told me that he also purchased a classical guitar (much better than mine). He asked if I knew what his major was in college...'no' i said. It was classical guitar, he smiled.
So, he came over last night and taught me a few things.
The man, Tomas, who sold me Alma, also showed me a few things, and said to come back in a month when I had mastered them...then, he would show me more.
It seems, the pathway is opening...and there is a further road.
I have played Alma this morning; she sounds beautiful and soulful. She will be my companion and friend for life, I intend. I have done a very good thing.
There is joy in creation.
This video 'blew my mind' because of its exactness in the retelling of HISTORY. It starts slow, however, it's totally worth the wait...and the 3 hours; if for nothing else, something to think about. Enjoy
|"The Mayan Calendar Comes North 01 - Ian Xel Lungold" on Google Video|
|Nederlandse ondertiteling. Dutch subs.
This 3 hour DVD is a presentation based on Dr. Calleman's break thru discoveries of the structure of the Mayan Calendar as it relates to the Evolution of Consciousness. "Ian takes a complex subject such as the Mayan Calendar and makes it very easy to understand on a personal level." He also clearly points out how the Schedule of Creation can be tracked when one looks at past historical events and relates that information to what to expect in the near future leading up to 2012. This 3 hour DVD also includes questions from the audience and is the fastest way to get up to speed on the topic of the Mayan Calendar. (2parts)